Pitzas!

Pita pizzas are a new go-to dish at Chez Groovy Chef… They’re fun, delicious, and different every time.

DIFFICULTY: If you know your way around vegetables, this is a cinch.

COOKING TIME: Roughly 10 Isaac Hayes songs

RECOMMENDED DRINK: Cheap white wine will do if classed up with a splash of crème de wild cherry.

What you’ll need:

• Pitas
• 2 large onions, carmelized
• 1 zucchini & 1 yellow squash , sliced into long wedges (slice lengthwise and then slice into long, diagonal strips)
• 1 red and 1 yellow pepper, julienned
• ½ cup sundried tomatoes, in thinly sliced ribbons
• 2 tomatoes, sliced
• Tomato sauce
• 1½ c. romano cheese, grated
• olive oil
• garlic
• thyme
• rosemary
• salt and pepper

Other fun ingredients: lightly sautéed mushrooms, sautéed spinach, sun dried tomatoes, or chopped black olives

For the optimal cooking experience, you should also have:

• Fulfillingness First Finale by Stevie Wonder
• I’m Still in Love with You by Al Green
• Hot Buttered Soul by Isaac Hayes
  

And here’s how it’s done:

1. The first step is the longest… caramelizing your onions.

This leaves plenty of time to find a good record. We recommend Stevie Wonder’s Fulfillingness First Finale. The Groovy Chef says that, though this is only Stevie Wonder’s fifth best record, it still has love songs that rival Bach and Mozart. One such song is “Boogie On, Reggae Woman,” one of the funkiest songs ever written. “It’s like Parliament and Duke Ellington smashed together on trains. And the sound the angels heard… was this song.”

2. Next, place your peppers, zucchini, and yellow squash in a pan. Drizzle with olive oil and mix. Add to the oven to roast at 425 degrees for 15-20 minutes, until the veggies begin to brown around the edges.

As your veggies roast, it's time to announce that “Operation Groovy is in full effect” and put on Al Green, preferably “I’m Still in Love with You” from the similarly-titled album. The GC assures me this song “sounds like what pork smells like when you’re cooking it.”

 

Once your toppings are ready, it’s time to assemble the pitzas!

3. Brush olive oil on the bottom of each pita.

4. Spread about 2/3 tbsp of tomato sauce on the top of each pita, leaving a rim around the edge for the crust.

5. Pile on your veggies and onions. Feel free to mix and match. Each pitza can be different.

6. Add cheese, thyme, rosemary, salt, and pepper.

7. Bake each batch of pitzas for 8 minutes at 450. You should have enough ingredients to make 4-5 pitzas.

Baking your pitzas takes time, and your “funkgasm” won’t be complete without a little Isaac Hayes. If you have Hot Buttered Soul, you may want to go straight to “Hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic.” This song will have you instantly weaving and writhing ala Kate Bush to really work up your appetite. However, don’t try to download this song via a smart phone because, as the GC told me, “the funk don’t fit” over 3G.

Happy eating!

Warm Black Bean and Corn Dip

This is a crowd-pleasing dip for parties and a good asset to have in the fridge as a healthy snack.

DIFFICULTY: Don’t sweat this one.

COOKING TIME: Half a football game

RECOMMENDED DRINK: Guinness

What you’ll need:

• 1 large red onion, julienned
• 1 red and 1 yellow bell pepper, diced
• 2 cans of black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 can of corn, drained
• 8 oz. can of salsa
• ½ Tbsp. cumin
• ¾ Tbsp. chili powder
• 1 bunch of cilantro, coarsely chopped
• Fresh juice from one lime
• Salt (to taste)
• Olive oil

Note: If you want, you can add a chopped avocado right before serving.

For the optimal cooking experience, you should also have:

• A televised sporting event of minimal personal importance (e.g. the Superbowl)
• Lots of Earth, Wind, and Fire songs cued up on YouTube

And here’s how it’s done:

1. When the olive oil in the pan is hot, add the onion and cook over medium heat for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Casually begin watching the sporting event, muting generously as needed.

2. Add the peppers and reduce heat to medium-low. Keep stirring. Cook for 20-30 minutes.

Once the halftime show comes on, it’s time to lament the quality of modern-day singing. Select a band from your childhood--the Groovy Chef prefers Earth, Wind, and Fire--and argue why they would make a better halftime act. Mute the TV and start playing that band’s songs on YouTube.

3. Stir in the black beans, corn, cumin, and chili powder. Lower the heat to simmer and cook for another 10 minutes.

Keep the Earth, Wind, and Fire songs coming. Intersperse your game talk with exclamations about the band’s “roller disco” style and “interstellar outfits.” If anyone challenges the band’s ability to play a halftime show, balk at them and ask, “Are you kidding me?”

4. Turn off the heat and stir in salt, cilantro, lime juice, and most of the 8 oz. can of salsa (roughly five heaping tablespoons).

5. Serve with blue corn chips.

If you have any dip left over after the game, it's great to serve with eggs for breakfast the next day!

Here's to a future New Orleans Saints / Earth, Wind, and Fire Superbowl! A Groovy Chef can dream...

Veggie Curry Pasta

For our inaugural bog, I’m happy The Groovy Chef chose veggie curry pasta. GC has made many incarnations of this dish over the years and, to me, it’s synonymous with late nights, music, wine, incense, and a general good time.

DIFFICULTY: GC made this one look easy. 

COOKING TIME: 2½ records

RECOMMENDED DRINK: Vodka with Ceres youngberry juice, over crushed ice

What you’ll need:

• 2/3 to a full box/bag of pasta (any pasta is good but our favorites are egg noodles or penne pasta)
• 2 large onions, julienned
• 2½ cups of baby carrots, sliced diagonally
• 2 bell peppers, julienned (yellow, red, and/or green)
• ½ lb. or less of snow peas (snap off ends to remove the “strings” that go down the spine)
• 1 can coconut milk (can use “light”)
• ¼ cup half and half
• ¼ cup raisins
• 4 large garlic cloves, chopped
• 2 tsp. coriander
• ½ Tbsp. cumin
• 1½ Tbsp. curry powder (more if yours isn’t very spicy)
• 2 small handfuls of chopped cilantro
• Salt
• Pepper
• Olive oil

Note: Feel free to improvise with your veggies (broccoli is a good pick that’s not listed above). If you want to make a chicken or seafood version, you won’t need as many veggies.

For the optimal cooking experience, you should also have:

• Exile on Main St. by The Rolling Stones
• Something/Anything? by Todd Rundgren
• I’ve Always Been Crazy by Waylon Jennings
• Terry Gross’s Fresh Air interview with Billy Joe Shaver

And here’s how it’s done:

1. Heat your pan on medium. Add olive oil.

2. When olive oil is hot, add onions, stirring occasionally. GC slow cooks the onions to make them sweeter. This means they go in about 12 minutes before the other veggies.

3. This is a good time to cook and drain your pasta and set it aside for later.

While the onions and pasta cook, you have time to make a drink and put on some music. GC recommends Exile on Main St. by the Rolling Stones, since it is the best rock and roll album ever. “Its construction is the blues,” GC says, “but it’s London-white-boy blues. And that’s rock and roll.”

4. The carrots go in roughly 12 minutes after the onions. Sauté the onions and carrots until soft, stirring occasionally.

You should now be on your second drink and the second side of Exile on Main St. According to GC, this album is influenced by Muddy Waters. “The reason the Stones are so great is that they are Apollonian and Dionysian opposites wrapped up in one band.” He plays air guitar.

5. Once the onions and carrots are soft, add garlic, snow peas, and peppers. Salt and pepper to taste.

Now it’s time to move on to Something/Anything? by Todd Rundgren. This may require you to move from air guitar to air keyboard. If, like me, you haven’t heard of Todd Rundgren, it is because he's “a music person’s musician.” GC says he’s a good singer but doesn’t have a good voice, which adds sincerity and tenderness to his songs.

6. Once your veggies are sticking to the bottom of the pan and your snow peas are limp, turn the heat to low and gently stir in your coconut milk. Add about 1/3 cup of water to the can and pour that into the pan, too, to get out the last of the coconut milk.

7. Add coriander, cumin, curry powder, half and half, raisins, and half your cilantro. Bring the heat back up to medium and take it to a low boil.

The amount of seasoning listed above are approximations. “There’s a reason I don’t measure things,” GC says. Frustrated, he explains that each dish is like a snowflake, with a unique mixture of ingredients that blend together in a special way.

8. When the consistency “looks like something you could glob on top of something else,” remove it from the heat and set it aside.

9. Now it’s time to fry the pasta you cooked earlier. Sauté it over medium heat until it’s just slightly brown and hard.

Ideally—unlike GC and me—you will have two pans and be sober enough to multitask. If so, you can fry your pasta while sautéing your veggies and save yourself a good 30 minutes of cooking time (i.e., one record).

Otherwise, it's time to turn over your Todd Rundgren record. You have time to dance to two songs. We recommend “I Saw the Light” and “It Wouldn’t Have Made Any Difference.” Todd Rundgren is “a womanizing nerd,” according to GC, and was influenced by Phil Spector’s wall of sound.

Remember to stir the pasta before and after each dance. You will now want to put on Waylon Jennings’s I’ve Always Been Crazy and go immediately to the song “Billy,” which is about country songwriter Billy Joe Shaver. GC says Terry Gross did an amazing interview with him. “When people start talking about de-funding NPR, they should really listen to this. I mean, who on Fox News would spend an hour talking to Billy Joe Shaver?”

10. By now your pasta should be ready. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve with your veggie curry sauce on top. Sprinkle on the rest of the cilantro.

This is a gorgeous, healthy, delicious meal that goes perfect with the Fresh Air interview of Billy Joe Shaver.

Happy eating!